I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize