She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
