so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
