just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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