dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im holly from the hills drunk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
