I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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