Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
