Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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