You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
