I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
