i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
