Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
