Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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