Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
