I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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