yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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