I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Say something about gay babies.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
