also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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