Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
