I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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