Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize