Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
