Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
