TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
