A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
