it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
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What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize