Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
