Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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