she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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