Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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