Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
