you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
