I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
