i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
