Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
