it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
