I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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