I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
