Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
