He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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