she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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