Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
