DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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