Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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