margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
