Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
