Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
