My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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