wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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