I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
