just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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