I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
