at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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