I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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