I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
