hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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