The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
