so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
