thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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