somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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