I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
