ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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