I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
