just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
