Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
