..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
