i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
