I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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