I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
