Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
