Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize