just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
