My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
