I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
