Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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