i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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