I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
