Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
