I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
