apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
