# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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