all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Randomize
