Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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