Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
